


'he', not 'he-man'

by epochryphal



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Genderqueer Character, Nonbinary Character, Trans, Trans Character, Trans Karkat Vantas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-01
Updated: 2014-06-01
Packaged: 2018-01-27 21:45:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1723553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/epochryphal/pseuds/epochryphal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>CG: YOU SAID ‘HOMOSEXUAL’ MEANS WHEN A BOY LIKES ANOTHER BOY. SO MORE GENERALLY IT MEANS ATTRACTED TO PEOPLE THE SAME GENDER AS YOU?<br/>EB: that’s a pretty good definition, yea.<br/>CG: SO IN WHAT FUCKING UNIVERSE, FROG-GENERATED OR NOT, IS THAT A PLAUSIBLE FORM OF REJECTION WHEN YOU HAVEN’T THE MOST MINISCULE INKLING IN THAT SQUISHY THINKPAN OF YOURS WHAT MY GENDER ACTUALLY IS?<br/>EB: what?<br/>EB: i have all the inklings!<br/>EB: you and me, we are bros. dudes. compadres.<br/>EB: gender-buddy manfriends, as it were. boys even.<br/>CG: WRONG.</p>
            </blockquote>





	'he', not 'he-man'

**Author's Note:**

> In which non-binary Karkat calls non-homosexual(-but-asexual-spectrum) John on his shit.

— carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] —

CG: …JOHN.

EB: yea karkat?

CG: I HAVE A QUESTION.

EB: fire away, dude!

CG: THIS ‘HOMOSEXUAL’ THING.

EB: oh geez.  
EB: it’s a real human thing, karkat! i am not pranking you.  
EB: this time, hehe.

CG: WOW, WHAT REASSURING LAUGHTER.  
CG: BUT DON’T CRINKLE YOUR FRESHLY PRESSED UNDERGARMENTS, I BELIEVE YOU. “THIS TIME.”  
CG: MY QUESTION CONCERNS SOMETHING MORE SPECIFIC.  
CG: YOU SAID ‘HOMOSEXUAL’ MEANS WHEN A BOY LIKES ANOTHER BOY. SO MORE GENERALLY IT MEANS ATTRACTED TO PEOPLE THE SAME GENDER AS YOU?

EB: that’s a pretty good definition, yea.

CG: SO IN WHAT FUCKING UNIVERSE, FROG-GENERATED OR NOT, IS THAT A PLAUSIBLE FORM OF REJECTION WHEN YOU HAVEN’T THE MOST MINISCULE INKLING IN THAT SQUISHY THINKPAN OF YOURS WHAT MY GENDER ACTUALLY IS?

EB: what?  
EB: i have all the inklings!  
EB: you and me, we are bros. dudes. compadres.  
EB: gender-buddy manfriends, as it were. boys even.

CG: WRONG.

EB: really?  
EB: no way.  
EB: you can’t prank the prankMASTER, karkat.  
EB: terezi and vriska and everybody calls you a dude!  
EB: don’t tell me your weird ex slash lovecrush thing has your gender wrong.

CG: THEY CALL ME ‘HE’, OH MASTER OF FUCK-UPS.  
CG: LAST TIME I CHECKED, PRONOUNS AND GENDER ARE ENTIRELY DIFFERENT WORDS. DIFFERENT DEFINITIONS AND MEANINGS AND EVERYTHING. AMAZING.  
CG: SO KINDLY ENDEAVOR TO PULL YOURSELF OVER THE HORRORTERROR-SIZED HURDLE THAT IS YOUR OBSESSION WITH LIES AS ~HILARIOUS JOKES~ AND REALIZE YOU WERE FUCKING WRONG.

EB: well geez!  
EB: how the heck was i supposed to know when nobody ever said anything?

CG: YOU WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO KNOW.  
CG: YOU WERE *SUPPOSED* TO NOT **THINK** YOU KNEW.  
CG: BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T.

EB: …i guess.  
EB: i’m sorry, karkat.  
EB: i’ve been a bad friendleader, haven’t i.

CG: WHATEVER.  
CG: NOW YOU KNOW.

EB: so…are we not bros?

CG: SINCE IT IS SO EMINENTLY IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO BE ABLE TO REFER TO ME WITH YOUR PALHONCHO TERMS, ‘BRO’, ‘DUDE’, AND ‘GUY’ ARE ALL ACCEPTABLE.

EB: sweet!  
EB: actually, terezi is totally also a bro. and a dude. and maybe a guy?  
EB: does that mean ladyfriend is ok?

CG: GO ATTEMPT TO SNARE A CUTTLEFISH WITH A LENGTH OF STRING TIED TO STICK AND A CURVED POINTY PIECE OF METAL.  
CG: I’M NOT A GIRL EITHER.  
CG: DO ALL HUMANS THINK IN EITHER/ORS INSTEAD OF QUADRANTS AND FLIPS, OR IS THAT PURELY A JOHN HUMAN EGBERT PHENOMENON?  
CG: I NEED TO KNOW IF I FUCKED UP YOUR UNIVERSE THAT BADLY.

EB: haha, i dunno!  
EB: i’m pretty sure rose would be better at this.

CG: THANK FROG ENGINEERING.

EB: so you’re not a boy or a girl?

CG: THAT IS A SUMMARY OF THE WORDS I HAVE BEEN CONVEYING TO YOU FOR THE PAST TEN MINUTES, YES. GLAD TO SEE YOU MANAGED TO SYNTHESIZE THAT MUCH. I’M SURE IT WAS A STRAIN.

EB: okay!  
EB: are you something else then?

CG: WELL I CLEARLY EXIST, SO I AM SOMETHING.  
CG: …BUT YEAH. I’M NOT ENTIRELY SURE ABOUT WORDS YET. IT’S NOT LIKE TROLLS HAVE A LOT OF PRE-ASSEMBLED GENDER OPTIONS TO CHOOSE FROM, ACTUALLY.  
CG: PAST KARKAT HAD A LOT OF STRONG OPINIONS, BUT THAT GUY IS AN UNINSIGHTFUL WASTE OF OXYGEN, SO.  
CG: I’M JUST KARKAT, ALRIGHT?

EB: gotcha, just karkat.  
EB: you and justice terezi are almost a perfect match! almost.  
EB: keep trying!

CG: STITCH YOUR FACIAL FLAPS SHUT ABOUT TEREZI BEFORE I GO HUNT DOWN A NEEDLE AND DO IT FOR YOU.

EB: yeah, yeah.  
EB: oh, one more thing!

CG: WHAT?

EB: so i know you are a bro and a dude and kind of a guy and not a ladyfriend. and that’s awesome. hooray!  
EB: and…

CG: AND?

EB: and i am still not attracted to you, karkat.

CG: START HIDING. I AM ONE HUNDRED PERCENT CERTAIN KANAYA HAS SOME POINTY METAL OBJECTS AND THREAD.

EB: glad we had this talk!

— ectoBiologist [EB] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] —


End file.
